The Devils Inside of Me

I'm locked at my room, just thinking. Thinking about everything. Everything that I've done, everything that I do, everything that I want to be done, and everything that I will do. Actually, everything that I want to be done doesn't really matter. seriously. It's all about everything that I've done and that I will do. I'm sure I've hurt so many people, and I've been hurt. We all know that people hurt and are hurt. But that's not the point. The point is do we realize everything that we've done? beside is it right or is it wrong, does it hurt or does it not?

I remembered when I was only about 10, I was so happy. I just thought I had a beautiful life at that time but the next year everything just changed dramatically and I remembered the first time I went to elementary  school, I started to hate myself, I hated my life. I didn't like my school. I just had few friends. I refused to get along with people. Even when I went to plus class, it didn't change my feels. Even when I was chosen again to stay in plus class, won the story-telling, even when I never got bullied by people, and what-so-ever, they all didn't make any difference to myself for hating my life. It all continued until I was in 12th grade of high school. But I thanked that I had awesome good friends around me :) I really appreciated being with them! :D I took a rest for 1 year after my graduation from high school. In 2013, I went to college. I decided to go to Central Java. I'm glad that I have a great mom, she always tends to respect my choices. Many of my relatives suggested me/her to go to college in Medan or Jakarta, and I was glad she let me to decide my own choice! :)

But on the other hand, I never made her happy (in my opinion). Everything that I want, beside that I need, she always satisfies me. She gave to me all I wanted. I remembered after I graduated from high school, I asked her to buy me a Canon 60D, my sister disagreed because my photography isn't well yet, so maybe I could take another camera less than Canon 60D, but frankly, I was so happy when my mom bought me Canon 60D! :D and when I wanted a guitar, she bought me that! and also my phones, treatments,and so many things... and actually by reading this, you might think I'm such a happy girl by having a great mother, but actually, you're wrong! I grew up as a stubborn girl. all the things that I have, they becomes my own devils. the loves that my mom gave to me had become the devils of me. when I couldn't get what I want, I would be the girl you never knew before. actually, it's not my mom's faults! I'm an adult, I should have known about it! I should have known how to control myself.

But other than that, after decided to live by myself, I just love being who I am. I love my life. we know life changes as people change too, the main point of that is is it to be better or to be worse.
God knows I have my own devils, and I know I can't get the devils of me away but I know that I can change them to be the angels of me.
God Bless us <3