Seperti yang kita ketahui bahwa eating disorder
itu adalah gangguan pola makan. Namun kebanyakan orang-orang berpikir
bahwa orang-orang yang terkena eating disorder biasanya kurus. Padahal
hal tersebut tidak benar. Ada 2 jenis eating disorder, yaitu anorexia
dan bulimia, dan yang 1 dikenal dengan binge eating disorder.
Sewaktu SD sebenarnya aku udah kena eating disorder jenis bulimia dan binge. Jadi awalnya itu badan aku gak gemuk tapi gak kurus-kurus amat juga. Semenjak aku pulang dari Jakarta, porsi makanku emang berubah drastis menjadi lebih banyak. Selang 2 bulan saja orang-orang sudah berkomentar bahwa aku semakin gemuk. Namun pada waktu itu aku tidak merasa ada penaikan berat badan karena semua pakaianku masih fit. Sampai yang aku ingat itu sewaktu aku kelas 5 SD dan aku mulai memakai pakaian mamaku! hahahaha Ingat banget itu adalah masa-masa aku beli banyak baju baru karena (mereka bilang) aku benar-benar gemuk jadi butuh pakaian yang ukurannya lebih besar. Hobi makanku yang berlebihan terus berlanjut sampai aku duduk di bangku SMA. Awalnya mama berpikir kalau ini proses pubertas, namun setelah kelas 3 SMA, mama mulai khawatir juga. Aku gak tahu pastinya apa yang salah. Yang aku ingat itu, tanteku masakin lauk ikan teri Medan sambal dan daun singkong santan. Nah, pada waktu itu aku lahap benar makannya karena setelah aku tiba di Jakarta, aku sama sekali gak nafsu makan sampai tanteku masakin lauk dan sayur itu. Padahal sebelumnya juga udah pernah tapi kenapa ya? heran juga sih.
Aku benar-benar menikmati yang namanya makan. Apalagi mie pangsit wonton :D Namun ada satu masa dimana setelah aku dengan lahapnya makan, aku kemudian merasa sedih banget karena udah makan banyak dan berniat muntahin lagi. Jadi aku pernah memasukkan jariku ke mulut agar terpancing untuk muntah. Itu rasanya sakit banget!! Namun aku tahu kalau dikepercayaanku yang namanya muntah itu haram, kecuali karena kamu sakit. Namun kalau kamu muntah karena kekenyangan atau disengaja agar muntah, maka hal itu termasuk haram. Jadi aku berhenti. Pada masa SMP aku ingat banget jadi korban bully karena bentuk tubuh. Jadi beberapa anak yang menurutku juga tidak lebih baik dari aku akan meneriakiku "gendut" saat aku berjalan melintasi mereka. Jujur, pada waktu itu aku sama sekali tidak terlalu terganggu karena aku tidak terlalu peduli terhadap bentuk tubuhku. Dan karena aku tidak terlalu peduli, bukan tidak peduli sama sekali jadi ada saat dimana aku benar-benar terluka dengan apa yang orang-orang teriakkan kepadaku. Dan setelah aku tahu apa itu bully, bisa dikatakan bahwa aku adalah korban bully untuk hal itu hahaha :D Di SMA, karena mungkin orang-orang sudah mulai berubah, tidak hanya fisik namun juga pemikiran, maka sedikit sekali orang-orang yang senang mem-bully anak lain. Kebanyakan dari bully itu sebenarnya cuma sebatas candaan, jadi emang bukan bermaksud menyakiti. Namun memang setiap orang berbeda-beda jadi aku tidak tahu kalau ada anak di SMA-ku yang jadi korban bully. Aku punya teman SMA kelas 3 yang hobi banget ngatain aku dan teman semejaku, Yohana "gendut" dan kami bakal membalas dengan "yang penting seksi" walaupun kami tidak tahu unsur seksinya dimana, cuma hanya sebatas membalas saja dan itu berhasil karena setelah itu dia akan seolah-olah ingin muntah mendengar jawaban kami begitu hahaha :D
Setelah kelulusan SMA, aku mulai menghawatirkan kondisi tubuhku. Bukan hanya masalah bentuknya, namun juga kondisi didalam. Tidak tahu mengapa aku mulai peduli terhadap nutrisi. Jadi walaupun pada saat itu aku masih hobi makan namun aku mulai memperhitungkan kandungan nutrisi makanan yang aku konsumsi. Aku juga mulai mengikuti fitness sampai-sampai otot-otot dilenganku mulai muncul dan orang-orang yang melihat sedikit takjub karena aku tidak hanya gendut namun juga berotot -_-' Aku memutuskan untuk berhenti fitness dan konsekuensi yang aku dapat adalah daging yang awalnya adalah otot telah berubah menjadi kendur. Aku tidak tahu itu istilahnya apa. Memasuki bangku kuliah, aku mulai peduli banget dengan kesehatan jasmani. Apalagi setelah kematian adikku, Brownie aku benar-benar berhenti mengonsumsi daging! Brownie itu ras anjing kampung, walaupun ada kemungkinan dia bukan murni anjing kampung karena matanya yang berwarna coklat muda bersinar, suaranya yang sangat besar walaupun status masih anak anjing, dan telinganya yang seperti kelinci, namun aku lebih suka menganggapnya anjing kampung dan juga sebagai adik :D Walaupun seumur hidup aku belum dan tidak akan pernah mengonsumsi daging anjing, namun setelah kematiannya aku sama sekali tidak mengonsumsi daging, termasuk juga penyedap rasa dengan rasa daging. Jadi seperti makanan ringan Chi***o rasa Sapi Panggang tidaklah aku konsumsi. Beberapa teman menganggap hal itu mengerikan karena tidak ada protein hewani yang masuk ke tubuhku, jadi aku mulai mengonsumsi telur dan ikan :D Kalau berat badan memang turun secara drastis namun yang terpenting adalah aku sudah mulai merasa sehat dan bersih. Karena selama ini aku merasa kalau di dalam perutku itu kotor banget hahaha :D Aku memang tidak berolahraga namun olahraga itu sebenarnya wajib buat siapa saja.
Aku tahu bagaimana rasanya menderita eating disorder. Rasa takut akan makanan, rasa takut akan penghakiman dari orang-orang sekitar, rasa benci akan diri sendiri karena merasa gemuk maupun karena tidak bisa mengontrol, rasa sakit akibat muntah yang dipaksa, rasa khawatir yang hinggap kapan saat setiap kali berhadapan dengan makanan. Bisa dikatakan benar-benar depresi. Namun sebenarnya bukanlah nasihat "jangan pedulikan mereka, lakukan saja apa yang kau suka" yang membantu melainkan "hidup adalah pilihan dan kamu hanya hidup sekali. Silahkan memilih hidupmu seperti apa." Jadi ketika kamu sudah dapat menjawab dengan jujur, maka seperti apapun dirimu, seperti apa pun bentuk tubuhmu, kamu akan benar-benar dapat menghargai dirimu sendiri. Bukan masalah kurus ataupun gemuk, bukan juga karena kamu pemakan daging atau tidak, namun kamu ingin dirimu seperti apa. Beberapa orang menganggap bahwa aku tak ubahnya seperti sapi, yang hanya memakan rumput ataupun tumbuhan-tumbuhan lain. Aku ingin diriku seperti ini. Bukan karena ingin orang lain melihat aku seperti apa namun karena aku ingin melihat diriku sendiri seperti apa. I really like how I look and you don't have to tell me otherwise. It won't change how I feel :) Kamu akan terlalu lelah dan tertekan bila setiap saat harus mendengarkan keinginan orang-orang atas dirimu. Ada saat kita harus memikirkan apa yang orang katakan tentang diri kita dan ada saat kita tahu untuk tidak memikirkan apa yang mereka katakan. Aku tahu hidup ini harus dinikmati dan dengan memperhitungkan jumlah nutrisi yang aku konsumsi serta tidak memakan daginglah aku menikmati hidup. Ada orang beranggapan bahwa aku gemuk, ada orang beranggapan bahwa aku rata-rata, dan ada orang yang beranggapan bahwa aku kurus. Namun aku beranggapan bahwa "I fit".
Sewaktu SD sebenarnya aku udah kena eating disorder jenis bulimia dan binge. Jadi awalnya itu badan aku gak gemuk tapi gak kurus-kurus amat juga. Semenjak aku pulang dari Jakarta, porsi makanku emang berubah drastis menjadi lebih banyak. Selang 2 bulan saja orang-orang sudah berkomentar bahwa aku semakin gemuk. Namun pada waktu itu aku tidak merasa ada penaikan berat badan karena semua pakaianku masih fit. Sampai yang aku ingat itu sewaktu aku kelas 5 SD dan aku mulai memakai pakaian mamaku! hahahaha Ingat banget itu adalah masa-masa aku beli banyak baju baru karena (mereka bilang) aku benar-benar gemuk jadi butuh pakaian yang ukurannya lebih besar. Hobi makanku yang berlebihan terus berlanjut sampai aku duduk di bangku SMA. Awalnya mama berpikir kalau ini proses pubertas, namun setelah kelas 3 SMA, mama mulai khawatir juga. Aku gak tahu pastinya apa yang salah. Yang aku ingat itu, tanteku masakin lauk ikan teri Medan sambal dan daun singkong santan. Nah, pada waktu itu aku lahap benar makannya karena setelah aku tiba di Jakarta, aku sama sekali gak nafsu makan sampai tanteku masakin lauk dan sayur itu. Padahal sebelumnya juga udah pernah tapi kenapa ya? heran juga sih.
Aku benar-benar menikmati yang namanya makan. Apalagi mie pangsit wonton :D Namun ada satu masa dimana setelah aku dengan lahapnya makan, aku kemudian merasa sedih banget karena udah makan banyak dan berniat muntahin lagi. Jadi aku pernah memasukkan jariku ke mulut agar terpancing untuk muntah. Itu rasanya sakit banget!! Namun aku tahu kalau dikepercayaanku yang namanya muntah itu haram, kecuali karena kamu sakit. Namun kalau kamu muntah karena kekenyangan atau disengaja agar muntah, maka hal itu termasuk haram. Jadi aku berhenti. Pada masa SMP aku ingat banget jadi korban bully karena bentuk tubuh. Jadi beberapa anak yang menurutku juga tidak lebih baik dari aku akan meneriakiku "gendut" saat aku berjalan melintasi mereka. Jujur, pada waktu itu aku sama sekali tidak terlalu terganggu karena aku tidak terlalu peduli terhadap bentuk tubuhku. Dan karena aku tidak terlalu peduli, bukan tidak peduli sama sekali jadi ada saat dimana aku benar-benar terluka dengan apa yang orang-orang teriakkan kepadaku. Dan setelah aku tahu apa itu bully, bisa dikatakan bahwa aku adalah korban bully untuk hal itu hahaha :D Di SMA, karena mungkin orang-orang sudah mulai berubah, tidak hanya fisik namun juga pemikiran, maka sedikit sekali orang-orang yang senang mem-bully anak lain. Kebanyakan dari bully itu sebenarnya cuma sebatas candaan, jadi emang bukan bermaksud menyakiti. Namun memang setiap orang berbeda-beda jadi aku tidak tahu kalau ada anak di SMA-ku yang jadi korban bully. Aku punya teman SMA kelas 3 yang hobi banget ngatain aku dan teman semejaku, Yohana "gendut" dan kami bakal membalas dengan "yang penting seksi" walaupun kami tidak tahu unsur seksinya dimana, cuma hanya sebatas membalas saja dan itu berhasil karena setelah itu dia akan seolah-olah ingin muntah mendengar jawaban kami begitu hahaha :D
Setelah kelulusan SMA, aku mulai menghawatirkan kondisi tubuhku. Bukan hanya masalah bentuknya, namun juga kondisi didalam. Tidak tahu mengapa aku mulai peduli terhadap nutrisi. Jadi walaupun pada saat itu aku masih hobi makan namun aku mulai memperhitungkan kandungan nutrisi makanan yang aku konsumsi. Aku juga mulai mengikuti fitness sampai-sampai otot-otot dilenganku mulai muncul dan orang-orang yang melihat sedikit takjub karena aku tidak hanya gendut namun juga berotot -_-' Aku memutuskan untuk berhenti fitness dan konsekuensi yang aku dapat adalah daging yang awalnya adalah otot telah berubah menjadi kendur. Aku tidak tahu itu istilahnya apa. Memasuki bangku kuliah, aku mulai peduli banget dengan kesehatan jasmani. Apalagi setelah kematian adikku, Brownie aku benar-benar berhenti mengonsumsi daging! Brownie itu ras anjing kampung, walaupun ada kemungkinan dia bukan murni anjing kampung karena matanya yang berwarna coklat muda bersinar, suaranya yang sangat besar walaupun status masih anak anjing, dan telinganya yang seperti kelinci, namun aku lebih suka menganggapnya anjing kampung dan juga sebagai adik :D Walaupun seumur hidup aku belum dan tidak akan pernah mengonsumsi daging anjing, namun setelah kematiannya aku sama sekali tidak mengonsumsi daging, termasuk juga penyedap rasa dengan rasa daging. Jadi seperti makanan ringan Chi***o rasa Sapi Panggang tidaklah aku konsumsi. Beberapa teman menganggap hal itu mengerikan karena tidak ada protein hewani yang masuk ke tubuhku, jadi aku mulai mengonsumsi telur dan ikan :D Kalau berat badan memang turun secara drastis namun yang terpenting adalah aku sudah mulai merasa sehat dan bersih. Karena selama ini aku merasa kalau di dalam perutku itu kotor banget hahaha :D Aku memang tidak berolahraga namun olahraga itu sebenarnya wajib buat siapa saja.
Aku tahu bagaimana rasanya menderita eating disorder. Rasa takut akan makanan, rasa takut akan penghakiman dari orang-orang sekitar, rasa benci akan diri sendiri karena merasa gemuk maupun karena tidak bisa mengontrol, rasa sakit akibat muntah yang dipaksa, rasa khawatir yang hinggap kapan saat setiap kali berhadapan dengan makanan. Bisa dikatakan benar-benar depresi. Namun sebenarnya bukanlah nasihat "jangan pedulikan mereka, lakukan saja apa yang kau suka" yang membantu melainkan "hidup adalah pilihan dan kamu hanya hidup sekali. Silahkan memilih hidupmu seperti apa." Jadi ketika kamu sudah dapat menjawab dengan jujur, maka seperti apapun dirimu, seperti apa pun bentuk tubuhmu, kamu akan benar-benar dapat menghargai dirimu sendiri. Bukan masalah kurus ataupun gemuk, bukan juga karena kamu pemakan daging atau tidak, namun kamu ingin dirimu seperti apa. Beberapa orang menganggap bahwa aku tak ubahnya seperti sapi, yang hanya memakan rumput ataupun tumbuhan-tumbuhan lain. Aku ingin diriku seperti ini. Bukan karena ingin orang lain melihat aku seperti apa namun karena aku ingin melihat diriku sendiri seperti apa. I really like how I look and you don't have to tell me otherwise. It won't change how I feel :) Kamu akan terlalu lelah dan tertekan bila setiap saat harus mendengarkan keinginan orang-orang atas dirimu. Ada saat kita harus memikirkan apa yang orang katakan tentang diri kita dan ada saat kita tahu untuk tidak memikirkan apa yang mereka katakan. Aku tahu hidup ini harus dinikmati dan dengan memperhitungkan jumlah nutrisi yang aku konsumsi serta tidak memakan daginglah aku menikmati hidup. Ada orang beranggapan bahwa aku gemuk, ada orang beranggapan bahwa aku rata-rata, dan ada orang yang beranggapan bahwa aku kurus. Namun aku beranggapan bahwa "I fit".
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